stomping on the night

Hey guys. I'm Leon, I suppose that my readers know who am I but anyway just in case. My name is Lee Yong Chiang and I'm fifteen. I am just a very normal teenage boy who lives in Singapore and study in Singapore. I love to sing even though I sound horrible. I participated in Campus Superstar 2013 (CSS2013) and got eliminated in the first round. I'm a laughing stock in school for years and counting. I have been deemed as childish, unrealistic, immature and selfish etc. Overall, I am a horrible person. I had 5 exs, I got dumped twice and I dumped people thrice. Some people also think of me as a playboy. I think of myself as a burden, a nobody. I tried to prove to others that I am a better person, but idk why i just suck at doing so. I am such a negative person, despite trying to be optimistic. I look down on certain people at times, I despise some of them at times. I have no direction in my life, I am extremely lazy in everything I do. My impression to the others is--- arrogant. Basically, I hated my life. There might be a chance that I'm writing this post to gain sympathy from the kind souls out there, idk.

what a way to start a blog huh ?

People will never know that I'm secretly hating myself each and every single day. When I'm in school, I feel so out of place. I try so hard to mix in with people, but I guess I just don't belong to this place. Please bear with me for my horrible english because I just want to express myself right now atm. Since young, I know I am an outcast, I'm a loner. I hate myself for being so anti-social, but I just hate to interact at times. It wasn't other people's fault, I know. I laughed at myself sometimes for making a fool out of myself during the school performances, the concerts, the tv live shows. UGH. I know guys, especially those who hates me. But I really want to tell you guys that I'm not arrogant, I really want to make friends. But I couldn't because I am a laughing stock, and if I make friend with you guys, you guys would be laughed at by those jerks around me. idk. No one knows that I was a crybaby once when I'm young, I cried so much because I had no friends, and getting bullied everywhere. Even up till now, I still have no friends I could count on. So which makes me impossible to be someone who people could count on. Some despise me for me thinking that I am famous, in fact, Im not. To tell you the truth, I don't think that way. I want to be famous, I just want to attention. I want to be in the center of people. But I guess my desire makes people despise me even more. I know I can't sing, no matter how hard I try, I sound horrible. People would have their ears bleed if they hear me sing. Why am I such a playboy ? Why do I have so many exs ? Actually, idk. All I can say is, I am NOT a playboy. I FREAKING GOT DUMPED LIKE TWO TIMES AND IT HURTS LIKE SHIT, nobody cares. When the girl got dumped, I am the greatest sinner ever. No one deserve to be dumped okay. I know, I'm being a jerk for dumping you all. I hope you guys are reading this because I feel really sorry even until this very day. But each and everytime I try, I realize that we really couldn't work. That's why I left, like how some of them left me. I am sorry. Also, why am I so childish ? You know, when I'm being childish, thats because I don't know what to do when I'm facing a certain person. I wish I know what to do so I will not behave like a child ! But nobody understands that and they think I am troublesome and 'gay'. I look down on bitches who tries to act kind , I look down on jerks who think highly of themselves, I look down on the annoying blockheads who are SOOOOOO insensitive. But you know what ? I reprimand myself at the end of the day and stop looking down on people. I understands that there is two side to a coin. So I forgive and forget. But I guess no one knows. And I hate myself for being a guy, I watch porn and masturbates, oops. I think that its normal for a normal teenage boy but I guess that people will probably be disgusted by me anyway larh. People will probably be like ," Oh, he is just a guy who behaves like a girl by writing such negative post to gain sympathy and supporters ." Well hell yeah I am trying to gain sympathy, I makes me feel better, I WANT TO FEEL BETTER emotionally. I couldnt find any other way. Maybe there is, but I just haven't found them yet. Sometimes I just feel that I have so little to live for, sighed. And I want to emphasize to people who thinks that I am one hell of the guy to mess with, you are wrong. If you mess with me, I will screw up your life so much because I'm a jinx. Thank you for staying with me throughout while I rant about all this, I just want to get it out of my chest because I have sooo much thoughts in my mind right now. Loves.

p.s : To my supporters, I'm sorry for being so negative but I just want you guys to know me better. If you guys decided not to support me anymore, I understands . But I still love you guys no matter what. #Leonifiers