up high down low

Hi guys ! It sure has been awhile but here I am writing a post again. Gonna do a little of updates and ranting then sums up today's post :)

You know what, I promoted to sec 4 (YAY) . I kind of expected myself to either drop to NA or retain but devil's luck was with me and I promoted in the end. Out of the 7 subjects that I took I passed 4 hehe. Well, being able to promote to sec 4 express really makes me feel better because I really put in effort for this eoy exam !

Oh, forgot to tell you guys about my upcoming performance at Bedok cross year party, I will be performing with some of the members from CSS 2013 so you guys can expect something from us, be sure to come to the cross year party so I can sing it out to all of you ! I give you all my biggest thanks in advance for those who will be there ! Although the songs have not been confirmed yet, but we will manage it somehow and ensure you guys would enjoy it. I will also be travelling to Batam ( Indonesia) and Johor during my holiday so friends from batam and johor that would want to meet me you will be most welcome to contact me ! :) I will definitely meet you guys if I got the time ! email me at : iamcrazysoidontcare@hotmail.com

I know my youtube channel has been dead for quite some time due to my exam periods, but now exams' over ! I will try my very best not to be lazy and upload a cover or maybe a vlog to update you guys more ! A overseas vlog maybe ? :) email me for suggestion ! I was really happy to have more than 100 subscribers at the moment, even though its only 100 but I take it as my first step into the circle of being a youtuber :)

And, moving on to my ranting... NOT MEANT FOR FATAL HEART SUFFERED FROM CRUSH ISSUES !

Have you ever love someone for more than a year without the person knowing ? All you ever do is talk to her and accompany her ? I have. I loved this girl for 2 years, even until this very day. I liked her ever since the first time I saw her on facebook, and loved her even more so when we first met in real life. We are just normal friends, not even bff. Just friend. She was so crazy over this guy when I first know her, they broke up and she was sad. I told her not to give up on him if she really like him. And I was right, he came back for her and she was so happy that I can sense it over the texts and messages when I chat with her, it stabbed me so hard in the heart but I thought, " hey, she is happy. Isn't that all I ever want for her ? " and so, I gave her my blessing and they went back together for nearly a year. Over these few months they are together, I spend day and night trying to forget her, I kept running and running away from how I feel and I thought, I'm over it. But then it happened all over again, but this time round, she was stronger. So i brought up my courage and ask her out on a outing, not really a date cuz we are just friend. My heart was racing incredibly fast and her smile strike me hard and I realized how much I love her, but ---- I can't tell her. And once again I try to run away. Until I realized another guy who like her like I do, except he left in the end but I'm still here. I admit, I don't talk to her as much as that guy would. I couldn't kept her company like that guy could. But I know, we all felt the same, or even more, it's just that I've never tell her how I feel and he did. She said it must have hurt that guy a lot for him to ask her not to give up on the guy she was crazy over when she was sad. I kind of thought, what about me ? When she told me that, I instantly laughed at myself, i almost cried.Guys, what should I do ? Should I tell her ? Or should I just keep this to myself ? For a moment I just became the saddest man in my world. Crush, so wonderful but so hurtful. It played me hard, fooled me bad.

My world went up high and down low.

consumed by the night

Hi guys, instead of doing updates, I shall continue to rant ! Oops, but I believe that you guys are the best readers and the only ones I could rant to. And I know haters are lurking out there reading this post ( Laugh and insult all you want ) but anyway, who cares. I felt so awful nowadays, I don't know how to describe this feeling but something just doesn't feel right. It's like my organs whirled together, just not in where they should belong. And this constant sour feeling in my chest. What do people call this ? Ah yes, heartache. Why ? I don't know man. I have to keep this post short because there are a lot of things I can't type out/ say out. But this feeling just irritates me so much till I can't stand it anymore. I wake up and go to sleep with this feeling all day long, I felt it in whatever I am doing, be it listening to music, doing nothing, eating, etc. I'm screaming inside every single night, hate this hate this hate all these so much. Why do I have to be so dumb, so stubborn to not let go ? But it's just so hard to let go. I like you but it hurts too much.

stomping on the night

Hey guys. I'm Leon, I suppose that my readers know who am I but anyway just in case. My name is Lee Yong Chiang and I'm fifteen. I am just a very normal teenage boy who lives in Singapore and study in Singapore. I love to sing even though I sound horrible. I participated in Campus Superstar 2013 (CSS2013) and got eliminated in the first round. I'm a laughing stock in school for years and counting. I have been deemed as childish, unrealistic, immature and selfish etc. Overall, I am a horrible person. I had 5 exs, I got dumped twice and I dumped people thrice. Some people also think of me as a playboy. I think of myself as a burden, a nobody. I tried to prove to others that I am a better person, but idk why i just suck at doing so. I am such a negative person, despite trying to be optimistic. I look down on certain people at times, I despise some of them at times. I have no direction in my life, I am extremely lazy in everything I do. My impression to the others is--- arrogant. Basically, I hated my life. There might be a chance that I'm writing this post to gain sympathy from the kind souls out there, idk.

what a way to start a blog huh ?

People will never know that I'm secretly hating myself each and every single day. When I'm in school, I feel so out of place. I try so hard to mix in with people, but I guess I just don't belong to this place. Please bear with me for my horrible english because I just want to express myself right now atm. Since young, I know I am an outcast, I'm a loner. I hate myself for being so anti-social, but I just hate to interact at times. It wasn't other people's fault, I know. I laughed at myself sometimes for making a fool out of myself during the school performances, the concerts, the tv live shows. UGH. I know guys, especially those who hates me. But I really want to tell you guys that I'm not arrogant, I really want to make friends. But I couldn't because I am a laughing stock, and if I make friend with you guys, you guys would be laughed at by those jerks around me. idk. No one knows that I was a crybaby once when I'm young, I cried so much because I had no friends, and getting bullied everywhere. Even up till now, I still have no friends I could count on. So which makes me impossible to be someone who people could count on. Some despise me for me thinking that I am famous, in fact, Im not. To tell you the truth, I don't think that way. I want to be famous, I just want to attention. I want to be in the center of people. But I guess my desire makes people despise me even more. I know I can't sing, no matter how hard I try, I sound horrible. People would have their ears bleed if they hear me sing. Why am I such a playboy ? Why do I have so many exs ? Actually, idk. All I can say is, I am NOT a playboy. I FREAKING GOT DUMPED LIKE TWO TIMES AND IT HURTS LIKE SHIT, nobody cares. When the girl got dumped, I am the greatest sinner ever. No one deserve to be dumped okay. I know, I'm being a jerk for dumping you all. I hope you guys are reading this because I feel really sorry even until this very day. But each and everytime I try, I realize that we really couldn't work. That's why I left, like how some of them left me. I am sorry. Also, why am I so childish ? You know, when I'm being childish, thats because I don't know what to do when I'm facing a certain person. I wish I know what to do so I will not behave like a child ! But nobody understands that and they think I am troublesome and 'gay'. I look down on bitches who tries to act kind , I look down on jerks who think highly of themselves, I look down on the annoying blockheads who are SOOOOOO insensitive. But you know what ? I reprimand myself at the end of the day and stop looking down on people. I understands that there is two side to a coin. So I forgive and forget. But I guess no one knows. And I hate myself for being a guy, I watch porn and masturbates, oops. I think that its normal for a normal teenage boy but I guess that people will probably be disgusted by me anyway larh. People will probably be like ," Oh, he is just a guy who behaves like a girl by writing such negative post to gain sympathy and supporters ." Well hell yeah I am trying to gain sympathy, I makes me feel better, I WANT TO FEEL BETTER emotionally. I couldnt find any other way. Maybe there is, but I just haven't found them yet. Sometimes I just feel that I have so little to live for, sighed. And I want to emphasize to people who thinks that I am one hell of the guy to mess with, you are wrong. If you mess with me, I will screw up your life so much because I'm a jinx. Thank you for staying with me throughout while I rant about all this, I just want to get it out of my chest because I have sooo much thoughts in my mind right now. Loves.

p.s : To my supporters, I'm sorry for being so negative but I just want you guys to know me better. If you guys decided not to support me anymore, I understands . But I still love you guys no matter what. #Leonifiers